“Stuck in overwhelm again!”
This was NOT part of the plan.
————————————————————————————————————————
This is a continuation of my last post on planning without action.
“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” So says Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
But Joel Arthur Barker, American futurist, said:
“Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.”
As I write this in December 2024, I know that between Christmas and the New Year, we have this tendency to make ALL the grand plans. The resolutions. The vision boards.
And having listened to my Monday Morning Motivation call from my coach today speaking to goals and “shipping shit out” as much as possible, it’s high time to address this “lots of plans, little action” condition I’ve found myself in. She has lovingly booted my butt enough over the past 2 years. It’s not like I don’t know I need to do something. But do what, exactly?
I’ve overanalyzed my options to the point where I get stuck in my head over and over again. Do I continue with design work? How do I break into consulting? Can I make a living just creating art and illustration? I’m exhausted by social media… should I start writing more?
Actual footage of me, trapped in my own head.
Two things hold me back: Fear, and conditioning.
Let’s address the latter.
I was first introduced to the concept of conditioning in my Grade 11 Biology class. It was one reason why I briefly considered studying psychology in my post-secondary options, and I’m still interested in psychology and human behavior today. Spending nearly 40 years in marketing, you understand how it is woven into so much of society - and how our own patterns can be used against us.
That’s for another post.
I remember that we were challenged to get that gerbil to run the maze, and that the little squeak was quite content to just park its cute little fur butt in a corner and wait us out. Funny… after observing humanity for the past 5 years it appears that humans far are easier to condition that a 2-ounce rodent. (Again. Save it for the spicy post.)
In essence, conditioning happens to all of us. By definition, conditioning is the process of training or accustoming a person or animal to behave in a certain way or to accept certain circumstances.
To belong to the family unit in a harmonious environment, there are expectations - how to address family members, how you participate in family activities like games and chores, expectations for education and work ethic. We also have cultural and religious conditioning such as certain ceremonies, holidays and traditions. In order to be “a functioning member of society” there are certain rules to which we agree, even reluctantly, like paying taxes. That is “social conditioning”. It is one that can be turned on us to get us to convince us that we are ‘ridiculous’ to have dreams bigger than anyone else around us.
Have you ever experienced that? You share a vision of something you want to accomplish and you’re met with comments like, “That would be nice, BUT <insert typical negating comment here>”. There is always someone who will tell you, “only rich people can do that”, or “you have to be realistic”, or “you don’t have the qualifications”. You get the idea.
Yes. I am a nerd. When you read books on unified field theory, quantum physics and neuroscience for “fun”, you are absolutely a nerd.
Here is a great summary of the neuroscience from interiorcreature.com
“…between 4 and 10, our tiny growing brains are like little sponges, soaking up as much data as possible, trying to figure out the world around us, how it works, and our place in it. And as our neurological development continues as we grow into adolescence and then into adulthood, as our brains are creating and strengthening synaptic pathways, unfortunately, it’s most often what’s repeated to us/reinforced the most frequently or what we perceive will keep us safe that STICKS, whether or not those messages or beliefs are healthy or true. In fact, research posits that our brains aren’t fully developed until we’re about 25, which is a metric fuck ton of time to be subject to conditioning.
By the time we hit middle adulthood, most of us find that we have these thoughts/tendencies/destructive patterns/limiting beliefs/self-sabotaging habits/self-abandoning behaviors that we’ve repeated for literally YEARS that we sometimes don’t question until we hit a bottom and there’s no other choice. And when we’re ready to start getting real with how we’re standing in our own way, the task can be, well, DAUNTING AF b/c all that conditioning can live in our conscious awareness, in our subconscious mind, AND in our unconscious mind.”
How we’ve been conditioned to do life…
How Projectors do it.
Conditioning affects our behavior and our choices.
I was conditioned in several ways I think have me stuck in my head that make a good example.
My parents were from the Silent Generation - children of the Great Depression. They were raised on homesteads (the OG homesteads where water was hauled from wells, fields were plowed by ox, and light was by kerosene lanterns). It was a tough life, but a simple and serene one too. The “you have to work hard for money” and “you can play when the work is done” mantras were well-formed in my head at an early age. Not that it was wrong or right. That was their reality - and it’s what their parents had conditioned them to believe.
And my father lived it. He worked incredibly hard his whole life as the sole provider for our family.
A heart attack took him from us less than 5 years after his retirement. He spent those few years mostly sleeping. He’d exhausted himself “working hard” for nearly 50 years.
He never got to hold my daughter.
Still with me?
This one piece of conditioning is an undercurrent in my subconscious and whenever I think about doing something like quitting my job to plunge into my business, I freeze.
“You have to work hard for money.”
<How can I earn money if I don’t “produce” something? I don’t understand how I can make money without the ‘hard work’.>
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
<I should keep my job and build my business in my spare time. More work should generate more money, right?>
“You shouldn’t waste money on that - money is hard to come by.”
<I’m not getting ahead, I’m exhausted from all this work, I hardly see my family, I haven’t had time off in a year, I just want to sleep…>
Did I mention that my father died at 69?
Did I mention I’m creeping up on 61?
Did I mention he died at my house and my first thought when I saw his body was:
“If you don’t get your shit together, this is you in 35 years.”
That was 25 years ago.
Nothing changed.
The conditioning runs deep, folks.
Deconditioning is a long haul project.
Deconditioning is the conscious process of changing our thoughts (values, beliefs, morals), emotions, and behaviors to be more aligned with who we really are. To source humandesigncollective.com:
“In the Human Design System, “deconditioning” is described as the process that we go through as we align with our form consciousness and begin to release the grip of the mind over attempting to direct and control life. This process often involves letting go of outdated narratives and stories about the way things are or should be – and experiencing ourselves and our lives as they are. This experience can be quite intense, and for many of us result in dramatic changes in our relationships and our way of being in the world.
This process can also take a lot of time. It’s often suggested that it takes a minimum of 7 years to complete a full deconditioning cycle.”
It’s big work. According to my calculations, I’m approaching the half-way mark. I’m quite possibly at the point where letting go of outdated narratives and stories about the way things are and should be will create those dramatic changes, mostly in some of my relationships… and that too may be an intimidating demon to wrestle. I still have a lot of work to do.
These are deep dive conversations, those that involve enlightenment and growth. Not everyone wants to have them. That in itself can make for a lonely journey. It’s great to find like-minded spirits who will encourage and uplift you during this healing experience.
If you are ready for conversations about what may be holding you back, your conditioned and limiting beliefs, please do reach out. I belong to a couple of networks that have members very well versed on these topics, and we welcome new faces who want to raise their self-awareness and improve there sense of empowerment in their lives.