Stop this ride. I want off.
Prelude:
If you know Human Design, you get it when I say I’m a 3/5 Projector and can skip this part. If you don't know Human Design, here's a brief summary to illustrate the point of this "educational/awareness" post:
The 3/5 profile is one of "bumping into a lot of things in life"... the whole learning by experience schtick, usually at the School of Hard Knocks. But you also can't tell a 3/5 what to do. We are experts at the old, "yeah, yeah, I hear you, I know, but just this one time" or "I just need to get to the weekend/end of the season/end of the year" or whatever elusive target we've set before we take heed of any warnings.
My Human Design type is Projector. A Human Design Projectors' role is to guide others on how to best use their energy. Their strategy is to wait to be invited before offering their advice or starting an important task. Projectors are very good at reading people and are natural leaders, but may experience burnout if they work for long periods at a time. (From WikiHow.)
Stepping out of HD for a quick second to add, I also have a chronic condition called Méniére's disease - an attack gives me such bad vertigo that a mild episode will keep me sleeping in bed for a full day😴, a serious attack will have me yakking into the porcelain telephone🤮, and a severe case will land me in the hospital on IV fluids🚑. Typical triggers for me include stress and fatigue.
That sets the stage for my 2024/2025 transitory days...
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The final months of 2024 were intense. Work was a series of events and deadlines dogpiling one into the next. There was A LOT to get done, and I kept pushing to get through "the next thing". Add to that the fact that I'm not even home half the week - I stay in the city to reduce commuting costs. I had made 4 trips to my OG hometown, half-way across the Canadian prairies, because of family responsibilities in 2024, plus vain attempts to keep up with home and family here. (I never even got a garden in this year, and I cleaned every weekend in December just to get the place looking decent for Christmas. It was nuts.) I never got near any painting, never got my business launched, never finished reading those books. It was work-eat-sleep-repeat for the better chonk of the year.
Basically 2024 chewed me up.
On December 19 I came home - the boss approved my working from home over the holidays because of that mid-week Christmas and shortened office hours. So, I worked at home Friday, December 20 until noon December 24, then spent the next 8 - 10 hours preparing food for our Christmas festivities the next day. We had a great Christmas in the city and a relaxing Boxing Day before coming home near supper time. I put in a quiet day of work on Friday, December 27, finalizing the employer’s social media post schedule for the end of the year, and getting things prepared for the following Monday's work plans to keep things plucking along in preparation for the new year.
And then…
Right on queue.
On Saturday, December 28, I woke up, looked at the ceiling, and saw my light fixture see-sawing in front of my eyes. "No," I moaned. "I finally have two days off with no plans and no work. NOT TODAY!!!"
"Oh yeah," replied my body. "You ignored the warnings, now you pay. Hold on. This is gonna be rough."
My husband found me on the bathroom floor – I had probably been there over an hour, maybe two. Did I mention it’s winter in Canada, and the floor is ceramic tile? I was a woozie barfing popsicle.
He managed to get me to the reclining sofa, and after another personal conversation with a bucket, I passed out and slept there, motionless, for 6 hours. I had the "Méniére's Hangover" headache the following day, and so it was again a 'wasted' weekend day. But thankfully, I did not need to welcome the New Year from a hospital bed. My last weekend of 2024 was spent “comatose” and nauseous.
AND YET... I was back to work Monday. Slower, less 'productive', but working. I still had things to get completed before returning to the office next week. And even with all the hours worked, I haven't TOUCHED the projects I'd intended to get wrapped up over "the holidays". (I use quotes because I don't know what an actual holiday looks like.)
Over this past week experiencing and recovering from this attack, in the final days of the year, there were a lot of 'inspirational' posts on social about what to leave behind in 2024, and what to resolve going into 2025. The graphic below includes just a FEW of the snippets that was being shared to benefit we Projectors in particular.
I noticed a theme here. Do you see it?
Now for a little dose of Projector-ism.
I sometimes wonder if my guardian angels have really big arms from perpetually smacking me upside the head with a brick because I don't pay attention to those subtle nudges of "you need to slow down… you're not supposed to work so hard… you're out of alignment... okay, if you're not going to lay down by your own choice..."
THWACK!! ("Theeere ya go... nighty night...")
Sigh…
None of this experience is lost on me. This was a message. Some people bemoan having Méniére's – and no, it is NOT a fun thing to live with – but at times like this I see it as a blessing.
Nothing will get my attention faster and more efficiently than an attack, especially a bad one. (Projectors LOVE efficiency.)
My Méniére's attack clearly told me:
“Your life is so out of balance you might as well be tumbling like a dishrag in a dryer.”
In other words:
It’s weird, I know, but I’m actually thankful that attack nailed my ass down for a few days.
The setback and lost weekend of downtime forced me to re-evaluate how I’m living, and the changes I’m making in 2025.
The night before my attack, I was time-blocking my week to find times where I could fit in family time, rest time, creative time, reading time, me time, all around the work hours.
After the attack, I’m of the mind that I have to flip the script. My priorities will now be creativity, fun, rest, home & family… and work will fit in around that.
I have no idea yet what that looks like or how it will work. Yes, there are bills to be paid. I’m surrendering the “how” to God, but I’m getting off this merry-go-round. It’s a lot of motion with zero results except barfing, burnout, and bitterness.